Dear diary,
Recently I went to an Island. I made new friends along the way. And there is one particular person who I am attracted to. He is sweet funny and encouraging. The catch is? He was wayyyyyyyy younger. He is in his early 20s and me? Almost 30 (while writing this)
Its been long since this heart was interested in anyone. Well actually I think its the after effect of being too closed to him I presume. Well I am just writing this down to pour all my thoughts and feelings out. Because I will not talk to anyone about it and will not be able to know whether the feelings are real. Or its just a game of the mind and heart.
Its a warm of heart to know that i still have feelings to like/admire/love. I thought i will loose it when i turn 30. Well being this age i believe we look for relevant. Even me. I am looking for someone with a list of criteria. Little did I know that the most simplest act will melt the heart abit. Guess we never know how our feelings works.
But 1 thing for sure is we will not be together in any circumstances. Why? Guess he deserve a better person. Me? Alot of mistakes behind me and i do not want to drag someone that is not related to any of my problems. Not everyone accepts whatever happened and I believe he is still young with full potential to get someone suitable for him.
Being able to love someone and you cannot have that person? It hurts. Alot. Been there. Done that. I have been in those rocky relationship twice now. I love them like crazy and ended up being the second option. Guess knowing this new guy gave me the same feelings i had for the past 2 experiences. And even noticed that most guys that came in between were almost like a rebound. Its unfair to them but i did love them much but my heart can easily change. Only those two person manage to make me love them and it hurts everytime I remember how much I loved them before.
There was one time that this guy texted me again and the heart was so happy. Even after we stop seeing each other. I still believe in love but the heart slowly became hard on the outside but too fragile on the inside which scares me to even love again.
Hey young guy, I have feelings for you. I cant say that am in love. But I know I wanna have you. I will always see you as my buddy. So dont worry. I wont try to pour anything out for the sake of our friendship.
Love,
L
