Thursday, 21 August 2014

i've tried

I've tried hard to live this life for myself, my family and my friends..i live the fullest..and i hope that i can tell myself i can live without u..
After so long..yet i still need your presents..everytime either am home or outside hanging out..hanging out with friends..travels..i will be thinking "if only" u were around..
I dont really know whether will i have the chance.. i know you are now facing a hard time.. and i think among us who are involved including yourself wont be feeling what i feel now.. I know love is always blind.. I came to fell in love with you at the wrong time. This makes me sick.. I wanna have you just all to me.. but I know i cant have it unless something miracle happens.. I tried my best to continue my life..not to live with your sayings your words.. but it became a rutin or I can say the power of love kept those words you told me in my heart rather than my mind and due to that i cant move on.
Sometimes i feel like you dont treat me fairly but i know you cant.. you are virtually not mine at all.. most of the time i feel like i am dreaming.. loving living and crying in the dream with you in it.. Loving someone that you know that you cant be having them 100% for the rest of your life hurts. Everyone wants a complete family. And if i dont stop loving you or you dont wanna let me go.. I am afraid that i will end up being that someone who waited for the guy where she obviously knows he wont make the move... Might be he is just playing around with me.. but am happy and i dont know why.. well thats what they said..

Love is blind..

Friday, 15 August 2014


So today marks myself turning into 25 years old. 
I guess this birthday brings back memories. I celebrated with my family after for almost 5 years I stayed outside busy with classes and work. I love my family very much and I pray for their health always.

Today, I decided to be alone its actually not because I wanna be "alone" but I am reserving my time for him. The whole day I waited for his call and at last he called me around 3pm. Wished me happy birthday.. din promise me to meet up..So I came back disappointed but I am still hoping.. (well I always hopes to see him..everyday).. I was laying down on my bed thinking and praying that I will meet up with him today...and yes..he called me and confirmed that he will drop by..
I was soooo happy.. indescribable.. He drop by wishes me..I don't really mind not having a present (actually I do..cos I want something to reminds me of him since I dont know when will be the next time for me to see him) I manage to persuade myself saying that I am happy because he showed up even just for few hours..
I thought that I forgotten him..but I believe its a no..I am still crazily in love with him (I manage to control my feelings now I guess because I put my faith to God) 

Owh...another thing..
yippi I will be furthering my MBA...yeyyy..
best birthday gift ever I guess..
will start my class on 8/9/2014
and I think I wont be meeting him much then.. cos I can only meet him during weekdays (now). I will be having classes until 9.30pm during weekdays and he wont/cant meet me during weekends. So I think I might want to have to again persuade myself to stay away from him...AGAIN and I hope this time I succeed.
Studying is more important now..I can't give up me and my family's hope..

My goal for my birthday

*study smart
*stay healthy
*pump the abs and hips up
*makes him jealous and regret to keep my in shape (we'll see the outcome later)

Before I log off.. good nite my friends around the world..

Friday, 1 August 2014

So...He actually went missing for 5 days and at last he called me..
I was going to give him 2 weeks grace period if I do not receive any calls I will totally shut my heart for him.
But...after 5 days he gave me a call and I felt like we are FAR...
Maybe I already close half of my heart to accept him already..
Or its just a feeling where I him to be with me..
So, he promised me to see me on Monday..
We just wait and see what will happen.

Nite people