Today...two post..
whatever..
why do I write here?
Am too heart broken now
I have no friends to talk to about me at this hour (12AM)

Most of my post I were talking about how much I love him
What I hope with him
I need to stay strong to back off..
bla bla bla

But I just notice today..
The more I do anything to push him away..the more I love him
The more I try to change my mindset for us to become friends.. The more I miss and love him
When I behave like nothing happens...He will suddenly appear and spark the feelings
When I tried to talked him out to let me go...apparently he wont..

This is the first time in my life where I don't get the person I love..
It damn hurts
And usually I tell people that "Love is not just about being with each other..sometimes we need to learn to let go"..
Now when it happen to me..I am lost..its hard (freaking hard) to let go..

Sometimes I question God, why I am tested like this..
In the same time...I know that God have his plan...
I hope I am strong enough to walk through this test created by God to me..
One of the toughest test for me..

I really do miss the whole of you..
And when I notice that I am tooooooooo deeply in love with you is that..I see no wrong in you (not to say no wrong..I dont really get mad in what you do..and I will always forgive)
Its been eating me inside out for more than 6 months already..guess another less than 6 months I can celebrate my 1st anniversary of heartache..

Why am I so loving you?
You are not a good person..I know what you did..
I know no one is perfect..
But..everything on you...physically and attitude and mentally..
Is all I am craving for..you are my type of guy
And I know...God will not pair us up with the person of your preference.

Everyday I will be loving and missing him more..
I just hope we really can be together..
I still have time..to wait..as long as I am willingly to wait..

Love,
Me