When he thinks I'm too rough

Yesterday......
Mental breakdown for me..cried the whole night thinking of him..Then in the morning I sent him a text..even though we are just sitting next to each other. I wanted to tell him directly but can't. Since its in the office and I couldn't find a suitable place and time to say it to him. So, the text sounded like this:
"Hey there, just dropping by to say I love you so much and its killing me from the inside..wanted to tell you face to face..but..nvrmind..today need to be alone for a while..just to keep myself on track..or maybe to love you less :-P .. that's also one of the reason I can't sleep"

Well..after sending that text..he did gave me some space to let me get back on track..no more teasing me and so on..although I missed it but..just to love him less..I have to put some gap between us I guess..

I wonder do you really love me as me or its just to persuade me?
Shall I ask this question?
I'll wait for the right time.

Today..
Due to yesterday's thingy..I actually acted rough and boyish today..And he noticed..
Asked me why..I just said simply..
If only I can tell you sincerely..I act rough because of you..I don't wanna fall too deep for you (its already real deep)..When I act rough maybe you will talk to me less..because I know you prefer girlish girls..

If only you knew I've changed some of me for you..
Love really change people it seems..
I hate loving because I will start following what the person says..
As what you always ask me not to do I will try to not do it..
If I don't love you I guess I don't give a Damn..because one of my living quotes are..I don't give a damn what people think of me..I am transparent enough as a person..


I hope that all goes well.. I hope that I can get my heart back...because eventually my heart is attached to him..DEAR HEART, PLEASE COME BACK TO ME..I know that I deserve someone better..but..in the mean time I haven't found anyone yet..A friend told me.."hey..I've seen you suffer too much because of love..try getting someone who loves you more and you will be happy" .. but for me..loving and loving back the person is better because both will appreciate each other.

Note: Dear A, please give me back my heart..be sincere to me..I don't mind the heart is given back in pieces..as long as you give me back...I am strong enough to stand up again since I've gone through many times...try saying some mean words to me..since you can't love me back..or simple says..we can't be in any relationship..please..don't treat my heart too well..smash it if you have to...I know I can glue it back..and the feelings for you will be locked way down..

Love,
Stupid Girl