I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!

Hey There...I miss you so much!!..
Guess this is the only place that I can "shout" out loud that I miss you.
You've been running in my head since morning and I don't know how to get rid of you.
Maybe I should go out and have a drink with someone and forget about you for a moment..
At least a moment...Cos I know it wont be long until I am back on missing you like crazy.
This happens like...on days I don't see you or talk to you or even text you..
So..after this will another less time of seeing you around..
I hope I can survive that..since I still can text you I guess..If you allow me to..

I felt like I am torturing myself through these feelings..(actually I am)
I am still fighting with the right choice..
I hate being like this..
its just not so ME
I long left her behind..but she came back..with more intense feelings..
I thought she wont be coming back anymore
But when he appears in my life..the Me just rushed back..
I told myself not to love anyone 100% because I will end up hurt eventually..
I have done alot to persuade myself that loving myself is the best thing to do for the time being..
Eventually...it just came back...the feeling of me being loyal...being conquered and being tamed by a guy makes me love every bit of him..I wonder what spell he cast on  me where I can love him almost from the whole of my heart..
And I am left alone here figuring out what to do with it since I or Him can't really love each other 100% in reality..For me it will hurt me hard while for him..guess there is other commitments..but its just being stubborn even I know that I wont be getting the best of him..
I hate myself even more when I start missing him cause it hurts.
I hurts real bad when you miss someone and you don't know to whom, where, or how to express. Every time I still end up here eh. Guess she is a good listener..she will fill in all I tell here..thanks oh blog for being my best friend for now (i dont like journals..maybe I hate writing since my writing is not that beautiful)

One fine day I hope you can read all my post here and you will know how I suffer by loving you alone.
I wish I can have a heart to heart conversation..I thought it will be today...but unfortunately.. guess not..I know you are busy..so..I keep it to myself for another week..hope I wont explode..

hurt-lil-heart