To Love or Not to Love

Again...same question all over again..
Its still playing in my freaking mind whether to love him or not to love him
What shall I do?
I don't feel secure with the relationship..
I don't have any prove that the relationship will last long...YES I know love doesn't need any prove..
but yet...When it comes to the future..we need to think further..
since he is a forbidden love..
Its either I proceed to find a better person for me...who can be with me..
OR I just stay by his side thinking that love will win it all..
Am I one of your card?
Or you really do love me?
I bet if we really be together I wont even see you much..
I don't really know can we be a couple or not..
Will you be there for me if I need you?
Will you come to me as soon as you get my call?
Will I be treated the same?
or I will need to be VERY independent?
I believe you have heard my story and you know I am the person who can easily survive in any circumstances.
But please don't forget...I am still a normal women..
I need your love..your guidance..your presents..your soul here with me..
I don't wanna end up being the place where you come and go...
At least please be with me one whole day and night..Its sufficient.
Question is..can you do it?
YES seeing you once a week will really make me independent..
trust me I will be too independent that you cant control me..and I don't want that...
Cos I dont wanna do anything which will hurt your feelings...*foolish me*
What will you do to me?
Will it be the same as now in the future?
Or I will  get my fair part of you?
If it will still be the same I rather shove you away and start to get a better man who I deserve more than you...
If I am getting my fair part of you...please...do let me know..